


Potion Revenge

by RockSunner



Series: Potionate AU series [9]
Category: Gravity Falls
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Drama, Humor, Love Potion/Spell, Multi, Polyamory, Polyandry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-13
Updated: 2015-02-16
Packaged: 2018-03-12 06:30:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3347045
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RockSunner/pseuds/RockSunner
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Like the other AU's in the “Potionate” series, this is another way things could have gone wrong at the diner on the day of the Woodstick festival. What if the extra fries thrown out at the diner fell into the wrong hands? All characters belong to Alex Hirsch, not me.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Trash Diving

The fugitive approached the trash cans at the back of Greasy's Diner at dusk, looking to scrounge something to eat. Escaping from prison was hard, hungry work. He was the only one who had been small enough to squeeze through the last part of the tunnel and get away before it was discovered.

But two young men were there before him, heads down in one of the trash cans.

“Beat it, y'all,” said the escaped felon. “I want some of that grub.”

The two stuck up their heads and looked at him with wild eyes. Each had a few chili fries with pink sauce sticking out of their mouths.

For an instant it looked like they were about to flee, but something changed their minds. They both ran to him and hugged him, simultaneously kissing his hair with their pink-ringed lips.

“Yo! You're our guy, guy,” said the one with an open vest and pink fingerless gloves.

“Twenty-thirteen!” said the other, who looked nearly identical but who wore a long-sleeved white shirt.

“Yaah! Not my hair!” said the felon. “All right, I'll leave. I won't be botherin' y'all...” His voice trailed off as he looked at them with new eyes.

“Please don't go,” said the first young man.

“We love you, dog,” said the second.

“My, my, aren't you a handsome pair! Delightful! My name is Gideon Gleeful.”

“Yo, I'm Creggy G.,” said the one with fingerless gloves.

“And I'm Greggy C.,” said the one in the long-sleeved shirt.

“Delighted to meet you,” said Gideon. “Are you twins?”

“We're clones, dog,” said Creggy G. “There used to be five of us, but we've lost three. Deep Chris went into the deep woods and never came back, Leggy P. was carried off by wolves, and Chubby Z. got real sick from rotten food and one morning he just didn't get up.”

“It's not all a frolic, living like woodland creatures,” said Greggy C. “Like, we're starving most of the time, and we're cold at night.”

“You boys had better stick with me from now on,” said Gideon. “I'll take care of y'all, so you won't be cold any more.”

“Thank you, Gideon dog,” said Greggy C.

“We love you, Gideon guy,” said Creggy G.

“How did you fellows end up lost in the woods, anyway?” asked Gideon. “You look like rock stars, not homeless bums.”

“We were a boy band, until Mabel girl set us free,” said Greggy C. “We liked that, except she didn't tell us that 'free' meant starving to death.”

“Mabel? Mabel Pines let you loose in the woods to die?” said Gideon. “My oh my... it seems we have a common foe.”

“You know Mabel dog?” asked Creggy G.

“I was obsessed with Mabel, and it led to my downfall,” said Gideon. “Now that I have you two I don't need her any more, but I'd still dearly love to get revenge on her, her brother, and her great-uncle, Stanford Pines.”

“I'm not sure what 'revenge' means, but if you want to do it then it must be good,” said Creggy G.

“What shall we do now?” asked Greggy C.

“I need to find a baggie to collect some of those fries you were eating,” said Gideon.

“I want to eat the rest right now,” said Creggy G. “They taste extra good with that pink sauce on them.”

“No, don't eat them,” said Gideon. “I think there's something peculiar about them. Something made you two irresistible to me. I think it may be that pink sauce.”

“You think maybe the sauce made us love you too, Gideon guy?” asked Greggy C.

“I think so,” said Gideon. “And if it can make anyone fall in love with anyone, it's the perfect instrument for my revenge.”

“What about getting some more food?” asked Creggy G. “Can we eat the rest of the garbage?”

“Forget the trash,” said Gideon. “You're big, strong guys. I'll teach you how to mug people and steal their money.”

“Yo, what good is that?” asked Creggy G. “We can't eat money.”

“Money can be exchanged for goods and services,” said Gideon. “Goods include tasty food, like ice cream.”

“Wow, who knew?” said Creggy G. “You're aight, Gideon dog.”

“Why, thank you,” said Gideon. “I think...”


	2. Revenge on Dipper

**Revenge on Dipper**

"The first thing we need to do is get Dipper out of the way," said Gideon. "I have the perfect revenge planned for him, based on something he once tried to do to me."

"What do we need to do, Gideon dog?" asked Greggy C.

"We need the gnomes. That's the hard part, getting' in touch with them," said Gideon.

"Gnomes?" asked Creggy G.

"Little men with beards, who wear pointed red caps," said Gideon.

"Oh, those dudes," said Greggy C. "They come to this place to steal pies. We wanted the pies too, but we were afraid of them."

"We tried to beat them to it a couple of times, but they can smell pies a long way away and they get here just a couple of minutes after one is put out to cool," said Creggy G.

"Perfect," said Gideon. "I'll break into this place and we'll warm up a pie and put it out as bait at just the right time."

"The right time for what?" asked Greggy C.

"The other part of the plan. We can use the phone here to call Dipper Pines. Here's what to say..."

* * *

They placed a call to Dipper on his cell phone (Gideon had used hacker contacts in prison to get hold of the number, while planning his revenge from there).

"Yo, is this Dipper Pines?" said Greggy C. "I'm, like a guy from out of town who came to the Woodstick festival today... I went for a hike and I found this weird book with a six-fingered hand and a number one on the cover... I asked around and people said you were interested in this kind of strange stuff... Yeah, I have it with me now... I'll meet you in front of Greasy's Diner in a few minutes... No, it can't be tomorrow... I have a plane to catch later tonight, dude."

After he hung up, Greggy C. said, "He said he would come and meet me. Did I do good, dog?"

"You did great, dog," said Gideon, "I've played this kind of trick on him before, but he thinks I'm still in prison."

* * *

Gideon and his gang were watching from inside the diner when Dipper arrived, and they quietly slid open the window and placed a warm pie on the sill behind him.

As Dipper stood waiting for his contact with the Journal, the gnomes came for the pie, with their leader Jeff in front. Gideon threw one potion-laden fry at Dipper's back, and another at Jeff's peaked hat. Both hits scored, transferring love potion to the intended victims.

Jeff said, "Hey, what are you doing here, Dipper? Are you staking us out... and are you interested in holy matrignomey... I mean matrimony, I always get that wrong."

Dipper said, "You know what? I'm super interested. At least in you, Jeff. For some reason I'm very attracted to you."

"I'm part of a package deal, sweetheart," said Jeff. "You marry all of us or none."

"I guess I'm all right with that," said the lovestruck young man. "As long as I can be with you."

"Whoopee!" said Jeff. "Boys, we found ourselves a new queen."

One of the gnomes behind Jeff said, "But Jeff, we're looking for a woman, right?"

"Be quiet, Steve," said Jeff. "Nobody's perfect. But Dipper..."

"Yes, Jeff?" said Dipper.

"You would be an easier sell to the rest of my people if you would borrow some clothes and makeup from your sister," said Jeff. "For the wedding ceremony."

Dipper turned red. "Do I have to? They'll all find out I'm a guy very soon, anyway."

"Once we get though the wedding they'll be committed," said Jeff. "They'll come to love the real you like I do, in time."

"The things I do for love," said Dipper with a sigh. "All right, I'll run home and change and be right back."

He headed off, leaving Gideon rolling on the floor with laughter inside the diner.

"Hee hee hee! Vengeance is mine!" said Gideon. "Mabel will be next."


	3. Revenge on Mabel

Later that night, Gideon and the two Sev'ral Timez clones went to the Mystery Shack. Gideon stayed in hiding while Greggy C. and Creggy G. went to the museum side and called up to the window of Mabel's attic bedroom.

"Yo, Mabel girl! Come down and talk with us," called Greggy C.

Mabel opened the window and looked out. "Creggy G. and Greggy C.! It's good to see you! I'll come down."

"Hope we didn't wake you," said Creggy G.

"I wasn't asleep," said Mabel. "I was up worrying about Dipper. He borrowed some of my clothes and went off somewhere a few hours ago. He wouldn't say why."

Mabel came down in her computer diskette pajamas. The two clones gave her a hug.

Gideon sneaked up on Mabel. As planned, when he was close enough, they let go of her and stepped back.

"Ahem!" said Gideon.

Mabel turned around, startled.

Gideon threw a potion fry, which struck her on the chest.

"Gideon! You broke out of jail! No matter what you say, I'll never be your queen. Never, never, nev... Um, about being your queen, I've changed my mind. Yes! Totally yes!"

"That position is no longer an option, Mabel," said Gideon. "I was thinking I would just make you my slave instead."

"Slave... Okay, slave is good," said Mabel. "May I have one of those cute outfits like Princess Leia wore in 'Return of the Jedi'?"

"No," said Gideon. "Rags will be good enough for you."

"All right," said Mabel. "Just as long as I can be with you."

"You're more agreeable than I hoped," said Gideon. "It's a little disappointing from the revenge point-of-view. I guess that's what I get for using love potion."

"Love potion?" said Mabel. "Wait, that thing you just threw at me looks familiar."

She picked up the fry off the ground. "This is one of the fries I put love potion on for Robbie and Tambry!"

"So you were the source of the potion," said Gideon. "The Sev'ral Timez boys and I got it out of a trash can behind Greasy's Diner."

Mabel looked at the two clones. "You set me up for Gideon, didn't you?"

"We love him, Mabel dog," said Greggy C. "He wanted to see you and get you to fall in love with him, so we helped."

"You betrayed me," said Mabel. "I'm happy to be with Gideon now, but still..."

"Mabel girl, when you let us go in the woods you didn't say anything about how hard it would be," said Creggy G. "Three of us died out there."

"Oh no!" said Mabel. "Poor Leggy P., Chubby Z., and Deep Chris. I wasn't thinking about that, just about how you should be free."

"We don't really blame you, Mabel dog," said Greggy C. "Like you say, you just weren't thinking."

"I feel so guilty," said Mabel.

"You can work off your guilt as our slave," said Gideon.

"I'll try my best, Master Gideon," said Mabel.

"The first thing I need you to do is go back into the Mystery Shack and steal us some money," said Gideon. "We're a bit short of cash at the moment."

"Steal money from Grunkle Stan?" asked Mabel.

"I'm sure he has a lot of money stashed away in there," said Gidoen. "Bring me at least ten thousand dollars. That will be your slave dowry."

"I don't know where he keeps all his money," said Mabel.

"You're a clever girl, I'm sure you can figure it out," said Gideon. "Go do it now."

Mabel started to go, then turned back. "One question. What about Dipper? He went off somewhere hours ago. You didn't... kill him, did you? Or make him fall in love with you so you could hurt him?"

Gideon chuckled. "Nothing so crude as that. I made him fall in love with the leader of the gnomes. Dipper is now the new Gnome Queen!"

"No!" said Mabel.

"Yes," said Gideon. "Remember when you and Dipper tried to trick the gnomes into taking me as their queen? Turnabout is fair play."

"That was a terrible thing to do," said Mabel.

"But you still love me, don't you?" asked Gideon.

"I can't stop loving you," said Mabel.

"Then go get me that money," said Gideon.

After Mabel left, Creggy G. said to Gideon, "It will be good to have Mabel dog around again. I missed her."

"Me too," said Greggy C.

"Don't get too used to her being around," said Gideon.

"Why not?" askd Greggy C.

"Mabel isn't going to be with us that long," said Gideon. "I'll make good use of her services as a slave tonight, and in the morning we'll use some of that money she's stealing for us to buy a video camera. We'll get her confession to the theft and your kidnapping on disk, then tie her up and leave her in front of the police station with the confession disk beside her. Grand theft and five counts of kidnapping should get her a life sentence in the same prison where I was."

"But I don't want Mabel dog hurt!" said Creggy G.

"Well... you told me about that giant hamster cage where you lived before Mabel let you out. Prison is like that. Mabel will get free food and shelter for life," said Gideon.

"Oh..." said Greggy C. "That's aight, then."

"Twenty-thirteen," said Creggy G.


	4. Endings

Mabel went to her room and hastily pulled on a sweater, put on shoes, and grabbed a flashlight. She left the house by the back porch, the opposite side of the Mystery Shack from where Gideon and the clones were waiting.

Though her heart was urging her to grab whatever money she could and go back to Gideon, another part of her hated to steal from Grunkle Stan. She felt like she had to talk to Dipper, at least to tell him goodbye and maybe get some of his smart advice before she jumped into this slave adventure.

Mabel had a good sense of direction and she had gone to the part of the woods where the gnomes lived more than once. She found her way even in the dark.

When she got to the right area, Mabel called out, "I'm the sister of the new Gnome Queen. Let me talk to Dipper!"

There was a rustling in the bushes and she heard whispered conversation.

Mabel called out again and again, "Dipper! Dipper!"

Finally, a gnome-sized figure walked stiffly toward her. It was Dipper, wearing a frilly pink bathrobe and a tiara. He was flanked by several gnomes, including Jeff. They looked ready to attack if she tried to snatch away their queen.

"Dipper, you've shrunk, and... you've grown up, too," said Mabel.

"Hi Mabel," said Dipper. "The gnomes have not only the shrinking and growing crystals we found, but also aging and de-aging crystals. They grew me up physically and mentally to age 19, so I would be old enough to marry."

"Oh, I didn't know they could do that," said Mabel. "I guess that's what they would have done for me, too."

"Yes, we would have," said Jeff, who stood by Dipper's side. "If you hadn't left us at the altar. We have a new queen now."

"How is married life treating you, Dipper?" Mabel asked.

"It's pretty good," said Dipper. He moved a little closer and whispered. "One thousand gnomes is a lot."

"Oh, Dipper!" said Mabel.

"Jeff is worth it," said Dipper, giving Jeff a side hug. "I've never been so in love, not even with Wendy."

"It's all my fault you got into this," said Mabel.

Dipper said, "I chose this of my own free will."

"I failed to dispose of the love-potion chili fries I used on Robbie and Tambry," said Mabel. "Gideon escaped from jail and got hold of them. He used them on you and Jeff."

"So that's why the guy with the Journal never showed up," said Dipper.

"So that's what that fry that hit me was..." said Jeff. "I thought you threw it, Dipper, as a kind of a token of affection."

"It doesn't matter," said Dipper. "I'm committed to this marriage. I want to stay."

"But Dipper, Gideon also threw a fry at me," said Mabel. "Now I'm desperately in love with him."

"Oh no, Mabel!" said Dipper. "But you got away."

"Just for a little while, to say goodbye to you. I have to go back, steal ten thousand dollars from Grunkle Stan for Gideon, and then go with him to be his slave forever."

"What about the anti-love potion?" asked Dipper. "You still have that, right?"

"I poured it down the drain after we decided not to use it on Robbie and Tambry," said Mabel. "I'm stuck."

"You still don't have to steal for him, or go to him," said Dipper. "Just be strong, okay?"

"If only I had a commitment like you do, something to keep me really busy so I could get my mind off Gideon," said Mabel. "Wait... I've got it! Could I join you with the gnomes and co-queen?"

"You really want to do that?" asked Dipper.

"It would reduce the burden on you," said Mabel. "And keep me out of the clutches of Gideon."

"What do you think, Jeff?" asked Dipper.

"It's irregular to have two queens, but technically Mabel already said 'You may kiss the bride', so we could say she's honoring the wedding vows she already made," said Jeff.

"I get to grow up to nineteen, like Dipper?" asked Mabel.

"Naturally," said Jeff. "And you can stay that age as long as you like, using the de-aging crystals."

"You're not expecting me to have gnome babies, right?" asked Mabel.

"We gnomes are magical beings. We reproduce through magic cloning," said Jeff. "All we need from a wife is intimate romantic companionship."

"But I won't share Jeff," said Dipper. "He's mine alone."

"I only want you anyway, Dipper honey," said Jeff.

"That's fine with me," said Mabel. "There are still 999 other gnomes to go around."

"This will make the boys a lot happier," said Jeff. "Let's get you into the marriage!"

The other gnomes cheered.

"Dipper, are we still going to be able to solve the mysteries of Gravity Falls?" asked Mabel.

"I don't see why not, with an army of gnomes to help," said Dipper. "We can still save this town, and the world."

"Yay!" said Mabel.

"I only wish Gideon wasn't getting off free for everything he's done," said Dipper.

"We can't have everything," said Mabel.

* * *

Gideon and the two Sev'ral Timez clones were in a giant hamster cage.

Ergman Bratsman said, "You made a mistake hanging around the Mystery Shack too long, Mr. Gleeful. I had agents watching that place to watch for signs of my missing clones. Now I've recovered two of them, and captured you."

"What are you going to do with me?" asked Gideon.

"I'll send you back to prison," said Bratsman. "What with your escape and kidnapping charges from keeping my clones, you'll be facing a much longer sentence,."

"Please don't separate me from Greggy C. and Creggy G.," said Gideon. "I can't bear to be away from them."

"Yes, please let Gideon stay, Mr. Bratsman," said Greggy C. "We love him."

"I wouldn't even take back you clones," said Bratsman, "But my cloning machines broke down and exploded while I was in jail on a license plate charge. It'll take me years to get them going again. Now I don't have a boy band at all. Gleeful, can you sing and dance?"

Gideon demonstrated: "Oh, I can see, what others can't see..."

"Country," said Bratsman. "Better than nothing, barely. I'll let you stay and join the band as Li'l G. You can have plastic surgery to look like the other two, but shorter."

"Thank you, Mr. Bratsman," said Gideon.

"You'll like living in the cage with us, Gideon dog," said Greggy C. "We've got an exercise wheel, drinking tubes, and pellets to eat."

"Just like prison," said Creggy G.

"I'll be monitoring you closely," said Bratsman. "No hanky-panky with the other performers will be tolerated, or back to jail you go."

"Not quite as nice as prison," Gideon sighed.

The End


End file.
